Living In A Foreign Country With Your Children

Today’s article is a guest post from our friend and fellow world traveler and expat woman Caz Makepeace. She rocks.

“Momma, can I have some waterrr please?”

I could never get sick of hearing my little Southern Belle daughter drawing out her R’s and calling me by that sweet name.

“Are you not going to call me Mummy, like they do in Australia?”

“No, it’s Momma, not Mummy.”

Now the tables are turned.

“Kalyra, can you please call me Momma again?”

“No, it’s Mummy.”

It didn’t take long for my little 3 year old angel to assimilate back into the culture of her birth, just like it did not take her long to adapt to her new culture either.

Children are like that. Natural expats.

You’re told from the birth, or really even before, that they need rigid schedules and familiarity, lifelong neighbourhood friends and school, and everything else that belongs to the white-picket-fence-standardized-society life.

I don’t believe society gives children enough credit. They are highly adaptable and flexible; you’ve just got to see how their legs can stretch.

It’s really us adults who aren’t and so we impose this rigidity on our children and teach them that life must be lived by a set of rules.

Living in a foreign country with your children is not as difficult as it sounds. Sure, it comes with some cons, but doesn’t life in the country of our birth? It just means making a few changes and learning how to adapt to some new rules. The benefits far outweigh the negatives.

Pros of Living in A Foreign Country With Your Children

Giving your Children a Global Perspective

What country is this?

Kalyra understands the concept of different countries. She knows that life in America is different to life in Australia. She can look at a map and point to countries and ask what country it is. She is saving to go to Disneyland and asks me frequently if she can go to Africa to see the animals.

She often waits at the top of the stairs for Daddy to get home and greets him with a Wai and a Swadee Ka (hello in Thai)

Children cannot learn this as well from books or movies. They learn this global perspective best through experience.

There is no greater gift you can give to your child then the ability from a very young age to understand that there is so much diversity in the world, and although we make look, sound, act, and believe differently we are all the same and there is much to our differences to embrace and celebrate.

Teaching Your Children How to Get Along with different People

Racial divisions exist in our lives everywhere. It is the reason we have riots on the streets, fights in our schools, heated exchanges in our backyards, and wars on our soil.

It all stems down to people not understanding differences and learning to get along with others from all walks of life.

It stems from fear, fear of the unknown.

Living in a foreign country takes this fear away from your children. They learn that just because he sounds different to me, he still laughs like me so I have nothing to fear.

She may bend down to pray, but she still prays to a being that is higher than her, just like me. “Hmm. I wonder what her God looks like. She still has the wonder and reverence on her face like I do, perhaps we really are alike.”

If we all learn from an early age that it is okay to be friends with someone who is different to you, then there may be less war and hatred in our world.

Helping them Understand that Life is Transient

Living in a foreign country, particularly if you move from one country to another frequently, teaches your children the very important concept that life is transient.

Life changes constantly, it is the nature of life.

So many people have many issues in their life because they cannot deal with change. They have had rigid rules set up for them for their entire lives and if these rules don’t work or become skewed for a while (which they will) they fall apart under the pressure.

You have to learn how to embrace change. This is vital for happiness and fulfillment. Living in another country teaches children life changes, but that is okay because you are really capable in adapting to the change.

Adding Colour to Their Life and Personality

As I mentioned, I loved that my daughter spoke in a different way. It added a colourful dimension to who she is.

Itís not just different languages or accents that can add colour but it could be a new style of dress, different toys and games, exotic foods that are now part of their diet, and new ways of thinking.

Living abroad teaches children that life is flavourful and sometimes just sticking to our own herbs and spices can lead to a pretty bland and mundane way of being.

Cons of Living in A Foreign Country With Children

As someone who tends to focus on positives, a list of negatives is always hard to come up with. I always have to dig deep to find them. It’s not that I don’t know they are there, it’s just that I believe there is a solution to them, or a greater reward that comes from these sacrifices, so I focus more on that.

Being Separated From Their Extended Family

This is the only negative that I feel is hard to find a solution or think positively about. Of course, every parent wants their children to grow up surrounded by their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

You have to decide for yourself what lifestyle choice will give you and your family the greater reward. You can’t sacrifice your dreams or your happiness for others. Nobody benefits from this.

And while you may be living across oceans, the world is much smaller now. It’s the world of instant communication, helping you to maintain quality relationships. Quality will always trump quantity.

And there is just that extra excuse now for either them to come and visit you, you go home for a visit, or y’all can meet somewhere else around the world for a great family vacation.

Losing Touch with Their Own Culture

Kalyra first moved to the US when she was 9 months and returned back to Australia when she was three. She really did not remember anything about her home country. She was a little Southern Belle through and through.

Living in a foreign country with children will mean their connection with their home culture will be diminished somewhat.

You can easily overcome this by making sure you spend time talking and sharing with them about their home culture. You can do this by playing games, watching shows, cooking, reading, writing, and so on.

We always share with Kalyra things about her home country, just like we always now talk about her life in America, so she maintains that connection with her other home.

Adaptation Phase

This can be quite challenging for parents and children alike. Although, I believe that children are very good at adapting there is going to be a phase of adaptation and with that will come some unusual and trying behaviour.

Allow your child the space they need to work out what is going on. Be supportive and encouraging. Talk to them about the changes and always make it seem like so much fun.

We struggled with our daughter adapting upon return to Australia. She was just that little bit older and we found she became quite withdrawn and more prone to temper tantrums. But, then again, she was three so it could have just been an age thing.

They just need time, like you do.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country with children? What pros and cons did you discover about your experience?

Bio: Caz Makepeace has been living and traveling around the world since 1997. She is co-founder of the popular “y Travel Blog” where she shares tips, stories and inspirations on world travel. She also shares mindset and success tips for putting the mojo back into your life at her blog “Mojito Mother”